Friends - the one about the one who wasn't

Ouch! From Hero to Zero quicker than you can paint a toenail, TV Presenter Jessica Mulroney has reportedly been ditched by BFF Meghan Markle. If Ms Markle disposes of her best friend this brutally, what chance those less-favoured at her pseudo-royal court? 

I admit that, having read about it in a tabloid, I might not be in full possession of the truth, whole and nothing but, and it would be unfair to carry on castigating Meghan. I’ll therefore try and stick to general principles, using the tabloid report as a theoretical example. 

I’ve drawn up a table of the characteristics of friendship (as opposed to friendly acquaintances) as I see them (in no particular order): 

Friendship Characteristics:	A Friendship Should Be:	A Friendship Should Not Be:
Honesty	Relaxed	Fickle
Altruism	Confident	Convenient
Loyalty	Comforting	An emotional roller-coaster
Forgiveness	Non-Judgmental	A walk on egg-shells
Acceptance		Suspicious
Compassion		Defensive
Support		Draining
Trust
Understanding
Indulgence

So in this tabloid-reported spat between Jessica and Meghan, the former is said to have been racist to a third party, and Meghan has apparently responded by being “mortified” and that she feels she can “no longer be associated with her”. What caught my eye about this story was not the suddenness of the cold shoulder, but the phrase “no longer be associated with her.” My interpretation is that Jessica (as reported etc.) behaved badly, and Meghan decided this would reflect badly on her public image, prompting her to press her damage-limitation button. No arm around the shoulder asking her friend how she feels, how can she help her dig herself out of a hole, how might she build a bridge to a happier place for everyone, not adding fuel to the fire of discordance and discontent. No finger-wagging, no judging, no taking sides, no spotlight on self. That’s friendship.

And now a mea culpa – if I knew how to insert an audio-clip of a good old-fashioned needle being snatched from a 45 (that’s a record, not a revolver) I’d do it here. A couple of my friendships have crashed and burned in recent years, and I’ve been the one to pull the plug, which is a bit tricky while pulling knives out of your back. (Question – how many clichés does it take to change a lightbulb?) Sometimes one unfriendly action or a pattern of unfriendly behaviour can be so great that trust is eroded beyond repair. At such times, genuine friends step up to the plate (there’s another one) to be supportive, non-judgmental, and all that other stuff from the left-hand column in the table above. Friendship doesn’t have to be in evidence round a kitchen table or in a pub. A telephone works just as well, as does e-mail.

If the tabloid report is accurate (is that an oxymoron?) then I hope that Jessica has other friends who are supporting her during this difficult time, and Meghan also has some friends left who aren't too busy donning their body armour to reach out.

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